when an ex reaches out after years when an ex reaches out after years

He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. It makes them feel so inadequate, they want to see if they can disrupt it. The bitterness, anger, and disappointment buried deep down may rear their ugly heads when this text lights up your screen. Just take your time. Most adults in their 40s and up spent long hours on the telephone as teenagersthey were the way we deepened friendships, kindled romances, and were able to comfortably whisper our deepest secrets or express our angerwhen there was no other way to get close to the friend, romantic interest, or ex-romantic interest. I have no idea what to do. I've never really had the desire to reach back into the past, but I have to say it's been nice to remember how different I was when I was young and laugh at myself. Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. Since then he has reached out different ways every 3 years or so (emails, instagram) and I never replied. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. One conversation leads to two, two leads to three, and before you know it, youre arranging to Netflix and chill.. Wish him good luck. If youre focused and working on your goals, will your ex become a distraction? In the abuse survivor community, this type of behavior is known as "hoovering." I haven't reached out because I think he's married. Closure takes effort and patience, and sometimes, the wounds wont heal with an explanation. The important thing to remember is to be honest. A host of questions must be bothering you to the core: Why do exes come back after leaving for someone else? The fact that you moved on and found happiness all over again on your own, draws them back to square one. When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. Your ex didnt treat you very well when you were together, and to top it off, they dumped you and never looked back. For many adults, that can fuel the attraction to Facebook friends from high school daysthey remind us of a time when we were more self-assured than we might be now, more carefree, and probably with a greater sense of agency in our lives. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isnt what anyone wants. Very random in his message he stated that it was crazy for reaching out and that Ive always been brought up in conversion by school mates and that hes sorry if he negatively impacted me and hes always wishing the best for me and hes never forgot me. Instant replies hint at either interest or an unfulfilling life and even if both might be true, dont let your ex pick up on that. I'm Sorry for What Happened His email said that he'd had some things on his mind. You might know this from what you have heard from your mutual friends. It creates so much confusion because your ex's actions are conflicting. I saw them looking around. Will defo not repy if he decides to reach out again! Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. However, before taking any action, you should listen to what theyve got to say, get some advice, and dont respond. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. I'm not annoyed by it, I just don't understand if it makes sense? Observe the way he or she speaks to you and see how long it takes for your ex to lose interest and stop talking. At the time he has decided to respect my body my choice and never asked me directly about the truth of the rumor. After their first failed romance after yours, they realize that the vision they had of what it might be like to be with someone else isnt all it was cracked up to be. Reaching out to an ex after months or years later. I (M32) am having trouble with my ex (F30) as she keeps trying to contact me years after we broke up. Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. Think about your life right now. Before you type out an elaborate text asking for an explanation, pause and think about your life right now. I'd done something he considered cheating. My ex contacted me after 2 years and I couldnt help but immediately respond to ask her what she wanted. They just want you to know theyre sorry. As most of the comments say it depends on how the relationship was. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. When this no-contact situation casts its shadows on your ex, they will look for opportunities to get in touch with you. She said, Wow, instant reply. Our same chemistry was there, and I still found him lovable and attractive. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. But that alone wont help you gain closure. When an ex contacts you years later, just seeing their name pop up on your phones screen is going to set off fireworks in your brain. Its been quite some time since she was a stepmom to your kids, so theres probably no need to message her now. Why would an ex contact you years later? What role are they going to play? I imagine he just wants to check up. If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. You never know how valuable your reach-out might be to another. QueasyAllday 1 yr. ago ouch TX_Farmer I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. It could mean that your ex received forgiveness, validation, or that he or she eased curiosity. You are moving on and they are jealous. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. I told him we could talk over the phone. IDK how that benefits anyone in the situation. Besides, you have no way of knowing whether your ex will be forthcoming and candid in their response. Sure. Until that happens, you dont do anything. Also, if you had fixable problems in your relationship that they didnt solve when you were together, they might have changed that about themselves and pop up in an attempt to show off or get you back. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. Im guessing shes trying to do something to clear her conscience. I suggest you contact your ex or have someone contact him for you. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. Shes now married with a kid and said being married is hard, having a family is hard. He had no intention of getting back with you romantically. Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. When your ex reaches out after a long period of time, odds are they've changed. We invested a lot of time in one another so it's nice to learn how the other is turning out. I should mention that we both agreed it was for the best. 2. Its okay if your ex doesnt contact you, Linda. You must keep in mind that your ex (the dumper) decides what kind of a relationship is possible. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. When your ex finally does that, youll quickly regain your power and be able to say how you want things to go. Or maybe you both ended things mutually and somehow stayed out of touch for years. You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. This is a possibility if you ended the relationship on good terms. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. PostedMay 1, 2020 A sapiosexual, pizza-loving cinephile. Both of you have partners, your ex no longer has romantic feelings for you, and theyre hoping you can become friends again. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). But the only one I have on social media now is the one that took my virginity. This was a little bit before the internet was such a big thing, so he wasn't able to find me online. Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. Loneliness will cause us to scroll through our phones and contact people we wouldnt normally. Now that you are planning your life with a new person, the chances of your ex-partner getting back together with you are practically zero. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. Perhaps they have even started dating soon after the breakup. You are right that there probably isn't a deeper meaning t9 it. You had strong feelings for your ex, things didnt end well, and you dont want them disrupting your life. You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. Do you like how your life looks without your ex? Yes, I reached out to my first love. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. He or she can take their pain and sorrow away and give them what they need to feel safe and comfortable. Instead of overthinking about what they might want, you should focus on where you stand in this whole situation. In some cases, exes break up and get back together more than once due to unhealthy relationship patterns or beliefs. And continue, saying "You are now happily married, well settled in your life and you would appreciate if he keeps the past as a history. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life then suddenly, heres your ex. I stopped going to the club in case they came again. Outside the bedroom, you werent compatible at all. For some strange reasons, exes seem to pop up when were at our lowest, making it easy to forget about how terrible the relationship was and give in to their charms. If you just went on a date and he responds 3 days after, he might be following an old dating rule to make you more interested in him. That is, why exactly exes pop up after a breakup in the first place? He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. He's not doing well mentally. When an ex contact you years after the breakup, your ex wants to get something from you. 12 Things To Remember When You Run Into Your Ex, 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex. He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Only exes who dont talk for 5 years or more sometimes start to change their opinion of their ex. You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) I assumed she didnt want to contact me and vice-versa. After some thought, I decided not to write my ex back, and to treat the apology with a little bit of stoicism. (I mean, obviously, right?) Do you want to pursue a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or do you wish not to speak with your ex? By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. reg-o-matic 5 yr. ago After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. I hadn't recognized him at all bc he was a late bloomer -- he'd still been boy-looking back when I'd known him. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and giving them attention when your present life is fulfilling isnt really worth it. Youre married with beautiful children, successful, and go on the most amazing vacations. Jaseena tells us how to put a lid on overthinking. You were important to each other once. What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, Elena, one of our readers from Los Angeles, was still trying to move on after her partner ended things over an email.